Infidelity can take on many forms - from emotional or physical affairs (in person or online), to a partner viewing pornography.

Whatever the offense, partners commonly feel that they have been cheated out of the intimacy that they expected from the person they have committed to. As Esther Perel states, infidelity “is the ultimate betrayal”. It “shatters the grand ambition of love” and “threatens our sense of self”.

Discovering a partner’s infidelity can be traumatic, which can be defined as anything that is less than nurturing. Trust is broken and grieving is experienced. Partners grieve the loss of the relationship and a sense of emotional safety. They can struggle with questions of how they will ever be able to trust their partner again, or anyone else for that matter. He or she may question, “How could I have not seen this coming?” or, “How can I ever trust myself not to see it happening again?” In addition, many partners develop negative beliefs about themselves by taking on blame for the actions of their partners, such as “I’m not good enough.” or “I”m not {blank} enough.” where the {blank} can be any negative thoughts about self such as pretty, manly, rich, sexy, etc.

Whether you decide to stay in the relationship or move on, seeking support is crucial to help you heal. Counseling provides an opportunity to process the sadness and anger that you may be experiencing and begin the process of healing. Well intended friends or family members may advise you to move on, and while this might ultimately be what you decide, discussing that decision with someone in an objective and non-shaming environment can lead to feeling more settled in the path you take. You deserve the opportunity to heal so that you can once again experience relationships in a safe, secure, loving way. You will start a new relationship – whether with the person you have chosen or with someone new – it’s important for you to heal so you can be ready for what’s next in your life.

We can help with the healing and decision making processes that are before you.